Dadisms

Words of wisdom from my father, the man who raised me to be the person I am today, whose dry sense of humor and persuasive abilities had me believing in the Easter bunny until I was fourteen.

On relationships

Me (crying hysterically, looking for a serious response): "I don't know what to do anymore."
Dad (and Mick Jagger): "You can't always get what you want." "But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."
Me: "Wow, thanks."

On eating

Me: "I'm too full to finish my dinner."
Dad: "You're not too full until you can feel the food at the back of your mouth."

On life

"Keep your expectations low and you won't be disappointed."

On music

Me: "I hate Pink Floyd."
Dad: "You haven't done enough drugs in your life to appreciate Pink Floyd."


On drinking

Dad: "Are you going out tonight?"
Me: "I don't know, why?"
Dad: "Every time you drink Jesus cries."

On being deathly ill

Me (hugging the toilet and fighting the urge to be sick again): "I'm dying, please help."
Dad: "YOU GOTTA WANT IT!"

On divorce

"Look at me, I've been divorced 2 and 1/2 times."