Sh!T My Dad Does: A Follow-Up to Dadisms

If there has ever been anyone in my life who I have looked up to, admired, or strived to be like it’s my father. He has always lead by example, whether exemplary or not, and taught me to be brave, strong, and independent. He raised me with a brutal honesty and light sense of humor that has resulted in my always being unabashedly true to myself and to others. For this I am forever thankful.

With this being said, listed below is a compilation of shit my dad does, or has done (To be taken light-heartedly).

He cusses out teenage girls at concerts

My dad and stepmom agreed to take my friends and I to an Eminem concert for my birthday in Jr.High, why they agreed to this I’ll never know. It turned out to be the wildest event I’ve ever attended in my life, and this was prior to my drinking days and experimentation with illegal drugs. The entire venue was a pot fest; the woman in the seat beside me was filling up her empty beer cups with her own vomit while the man on the other side of me kept crawling under my legs in search of his pipe. Behind me a man was breaking another man’s jaw over the concrete curb all American History X style while Girls Gone Wild were on scene recording all of this. After we finally managed to make it to the car alive we had to wait in line for days to get out of the parking lot. Out of nowhere this carload of girls flew in front of our car, cutting us off and almost causing a wreck. The next thing I know Dad is leaning out of the window flipping them off yelling “F&*% YOU B!TCHE$!!!!!!!! I’d say my friends got a better show than they had bargained for.

He throws food back through drive-thru windows

Back when Terre Haute had a Joker’s Hamburgers or Jack-In-The-Box ( I can’t remember which one exactly because they both equally suck), Dad decided to give their food one last shot even though he constantly complained that it tasted like Styrofoam and that their Coke tasted like toilet water. After placing his order, he rolled up to the window in the Supra to receive, low and behold, his tasty Styrofoam burger and sewage trough of cola. All I remember from this point forward is a whirlwind of sandwich wrappers and the squealing of tires on the pavement, followed by the startled look on the drive-thru worker’s face as all the food went flying back through the window, fountain Coke and all.

He stoops to their level because “It’s all they understand”

My dad is an avid fisherman and he takes the sport very seriously. He rarely has the patience to take me with him, but it was a nice Sunday afternoon so he agreed to take my stepmom and I out on Raccoon Lake. While situated in the corner of the lake, Dad and I are both standing up casting towards the bank when out of nowhere a ski boat comes flying by us. This in turn causes our whole boat to rock back and forth violently almost sending Dad face first into the water. In complete silence he puts his pole down, takes his position in the driver’s seat, and puts the gas pedal to the floor. As we are fastly approaching the drunken skiers my stepmom is in fear of what he has planned. She explains that he should not “stoop to their level”. It’s too late. He comes up beside them throwing water in their faces while yelling “F&#* YOU MOTHERF$%^ERS!!! He then calmly sits down with a wide grin on his face and replies “Why? It’s all they understand.”