If there's anything I've learned in the countless hours I've spent in bars and night clubs it is this: the skinny blonde wins every time. Not that I am competing. However, being the full-blown alcoholic that I am, it is my goal to pay for minimal drinks and these girls are getting in my way.
Anyone who knows me and is reading this may think to themselves that I fit into this category as well. But let me tell you why I don't. It is true I've had my moments, who hasn't? I act clueless on purpose. I've found that being stupid actually pays off sometimes. "I'm sorry grandpa, I don't know how to operate a lawn mower." Result: I don't have to mow the lawn. "Dad I have no idea how to make a grilled cheese." Result: He makes one for me. "Steve (my boss): "I've never done returns." Result: he asks someone else to do them. Comprende?
The problem is guys in bars are not looking for intelligent conversation. This is where I fall short. Just recently I was at a local bar having a very in depth conversation with an older man about the fraudulent investing schemes of former American stock broker Bernie Madoff. His interest slowly fades however when a hot blonde approaches and he chooses to purchase her another Smirnoff Ice (which she believes to be flavored vodka). Ahhh how sweet life would be if I could purchase a six pack of flavored vodka drinks for $7.99. Give me a fucking break! Here I am talking this boring ass shit with you and you can't even buy me a beer! Note to self: act completely clueless in bars as well. Result: get more free drinks.
Well, I must be sort sort of freakazoid. Not interested in the runway model.Sure, that empty-headed boob-job capped-tooth, bottle blonde is attactive. But WTH kind of conversation can you have with someone who thinks 'Moby Dick' is an STD and Melville is a town near Mayberry. Someone who thinks "Classical Music and "rocks golden oldies" are in the same genre - - who doesn't even know what 'genre' means.
ReplyDeleteNot putting down sex, after all, I am male, but at most, that is only a few hours a week. Intelligent conversation, repartee, and/or drunken, sometimes loud [and possibly obnoxious], debate over opposing viewpoints, The kind that never degenerates into personal attacks. That makes getting bombed a helluvalot more fun. Knowing that you can say any jackass thing and hear laughter, agreement,or orders of "don't go there' said with a grin. That is more important than the 'trophy' girl